The Most Beautiful Thing I've Heard in a While

Contemporary American author Frederick Buechner has written,
“A Christian is one who points at Christ and says, ‘I can’t prove a thing,
but there’s something about his eyes and his voice. There’s something
about the way he carries his head, his hands, the way he carries his cross ​— ​
the way he carries me.’ ”

The Importance of Pain

From Father Richard Rohr's daily meditations- he says things so well. He went through each of Alcoholics Anonymous' 12 Steps and related them to our walk of faith. This is today's entry.

BREATHING UNDER WATER: Spirituality and the Twelve Steps Only people who have suffered in some way can save one another—exactly as the Twelve Step program discovered. Deep communion and dear compassion is formed much more by shared pain than by shared pleasure. Only those who have tried to breathe under water know how important breathing really is, and will never take it for granted again. They are the ones who do not take shipwreck or drowning lightly, who can name “healing” correctly, who know what they are being saved from, and who develop the patience and humility to ask the right questions of God and of themselves. You see, only the survivors know the full terror of the passage, the arms that held them through it all, and the power of the obstacles that were overcome. Those who have passed over eventually find a much bigger world of endurance, meaning, hope, self-esteem, deeper and true desire, but most especially, a bottomless pool of love both within and without.

The Life of a Leader

This past Wednesday through Saturday was our Cal Poly student leaders' retreat, and all 45 leaders and the 5 of us staff met in LA to pray, plan, and prepare for this upcoming school year. In some ways it feels like FUI deja vu, because a lot of the new leaders are introverted, which definitely creates a particular group dynamic. They are an awesome group though, and although they are scared, they are very eager and open for whatever God has for them.
One part of the leaders retreat (we call it Chapter Camp) that I led was the Friday morning devotion and Bible Study. When I was preparing, Genesis 15 really jumped out at me. I think since I have learned a lot about the ups and downs of leadership the past 2 years especially, I was drawn in by Abram's experience in the chapter.
The first verse says "Do not be afraid Abram, I am your shield, and your very great reward." So God is the ultimate reward, even though God promises Abram descendants as numerous as the stars and a whole lot of land. But Abram has to do a lot of waiting: waiting for God to show up in the Chapter, and then another 25 years of waiting for a son. Not to mention he is promised that his descendants will have to wait 400 years before they are freed from slavery. Abram battles it out with God, and he has a lot of doubts, and even experiences depression (v. 12). But the one time Abram believes God, it is credited to him as righteousness!
We studied the passage as a group, and I wanted them to see how leadership means ups and downs, and waiting, and sometimes depression, and doubts, but also God's promises and encouragement, and how He honors the times we do trust Him and hold to His promises.
I was kind of afraid of being a downer, but I think it is so important to realize that leadership DOES have a lot of ups and downs, but the point is to keep pressing into God, and realize that He is our reward, not an amazing small group Bible study or fellowship. I hope that came across to them.

FUI Recap through Pictures

Students hearing about the city of Fresno during orientation week in front of the Pink House, our home in downtown Fresno. The students were able to really engage with the city through FUI.

Community living on the balcony of the Pink House. Community is one of the biggest ways that God works in students' lives at FUI, as students experience God through each others' differences.

FUI 2011: 27 students from around the country and one international student from Korea, and 8 staff

Students processing in small groups after an Urban Ministry class at the Fresno Institute for Urban Leadership's (FIFUL) Leadership Training Center. The classes were incredible, and I learned so much through them- perhaps even more than when I went through FUI as a student 2 years ago.

The kids I worked with through Fresno Street Saints' summer enrichment program. My favorite kid was Tapora, the short girl in the center of the front row. We gave them all awards at the end of the summer, and she was the Most Imaginative :)

The girls I lived with in the upstairs left apartment of the Pink House. From left: Corrine, me, Cathy, Christina, and Rachel. I loved getting to know these girls- I spent the most time with Corrine, we would often talk and pray together.

Cal Poly student Kate processing during debrief. FUI provided a lot of space for students to have personal time with Jesus.

My process group that met every Monday night. From left: Judith, Christina, Colby, co-leader Claire, Rachel, and myself. God provided space our last process group for us to go really deep with each other and as we honestly shared the ways that each of us personally had not contributed to community, and how we could love each other better. Even though it happened the last week, I was glad it happened at all!

Our staff team with the Minturns, the FUI directors. 5 of the staff were students or recent-graduates. Mattie (to the left of me) and myself were the 2 full time InterVarsity staff. Todd cared for us well, and we spent a lot of time exploring the concept of True Self/False Self.  I felt so nurtured and encouraged by this team!

Some Photos From the Week

FUI Director Todd teaching our last Urban Ministry class on "A Sustainable
 Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life" on Tuesday. If you want to hear
 more about it I'm happy to share!

Another day with the kids: Co-Staff Dylan with kids at Fresno Street Saints
 doing what they loved to do most: play Monopoly

Fresno Street Saints staff Sean with kids playing their other favorite
game: Uno

50 kids sitting at Fresno Street Saints to hear a panel of FUI interns
and other Street Saints staff talk about their path to college. It was great to
have a wide range of backgrounds for the kids to hear from, and I think it was
helpful for them!

Staff with July birthdays- definitely the majority! From left:
Dylan, Matt, Krystal, co-director Carrie, and Lawrence.
Taking a break from our weekly Wednesday Leadership Development
Track led by Carrie.

Late night hang outs at the Pink House- a purple man shirt massage train!

Good Old Conflict

Everyone knows that the 3rd week of a missions trip is conflict week. Everyone has gotten to know each other just enough that the real personalities come out- warts and all. Even though this FUI group has had no major conflict like there usually is at FUI (probably because this group is pretty introverted, so maybe they're just keeping it in) but there have been situations here and there where conversations have had to happen. And I have definitely noticed times when students have "pushed my buttons," and I have had to check myself.
Last Wednesday our Leadership Development track meeting of FUI staff that meets once a week spent the whole 3 and 1/2 hours talking about conflict- Biblical references, styles of conflict, and cultural influences. It was all really enlightening and helpful, but one thing stuck out to me thatI think I can take with me from here on. Carrie, the leader of the track, showed us the Biblical answer to the question: "Who takes the initiative on a conflict?"
-Matt. 18:15-17- the process of addressing conflict. Who takes initiative?: The one who was offended.
-Matt. 5:23-24- Who takes initiative?: The one who has hurt someone else.
-Gal. 6:1- Who takes initiative?: Someone spiritual who sees another believer caught in sin.
*Therefore, the ball is always in your court!

I had never really thought about it that way before. The students are learning a lot through FUI, but I am learning a whole lot also- maybe even more than when I was a student! But both the students and myself get to struggle together over buying groceries and shower time, as well as city questions like what to do with the homeless woman who wants to sleep at the Pink House, but most likely has mental issues. Conflict happens.
InterVarsity is really big on the "Approaching Differences Diagram", (which looks like this http://intervarsityurbanprojects.pbworks.com/w/page/33956894/Approaching-Differences-Diagram-(in-color) and you want to avoid the bottom red arrows, and remain on the top green arrows, which requires checking yourself when you experience dissonance. I'm learning to train myself to do this, but I'm also learning how Jesus is in each experience of conflict or dissonance I experience, and if I watch for it, He always has something for me in it. Every week at our Leadership Development track we take time to think through each student in our process group and ask a few questions, one of them being "Has the student in any way been "pushing your buttons?" What's going on there for you? How is Jesus inviting you to go deeper with Him in this?"

Process group members Colby & Judith in "conflict" over Frank,
the random giant stuffed dog we found in the Pink House 

Yesterday when I was praying and struggling with one student in particular, I caught myself wanting to do my default when there is conflict- stay away from the person. As I prayed and asked Jesus what He had for me in it, I really heard Him say- keep pressing in to the relationships. I need reminders and wake up calls like that as I seek to love students as Jesus did, conflicts and all. I'm also learning that conflicts tend to be a gateway to deeper relationships anyway, so they probably shouldn't be avoided.

Centering Prayer Guide

I have been very drawn to Catholic writers and traditions lately. I think it's something about their depth and understanding of suffering that is very life giving and refreshing for me. Todd, the FUI director, always teaches students and staff the practice of Centering Prayer, which comes from the Desert Fathers. I have been doing it daily and have found it to be what I have needed in connecting with God at a level that is beyond my comprehension. Here is a guide that Todd wrote about Centering Prayer.

Ps. 46:10- “Be still and know that I am God” (NIV) “Calm down, and learn that I am God!” (CEV)

Western Christianity has contributed much to the spread of the Gospel and our modern emphasis on theology and Scripture study. One of the consequences of this emphasis for us is that our faith in God can be primarily thought based and cognitive and de-emphasize God’s presence and work in the rest of our being (our emotions, spirit, body). One response to this has been the reintroduction of a form of prayer that is not word based, but designed to open us up to experience God’s presence at the very center of our being and God’s “peace that surpasses all understanding”. The term used for this is “Centering Prayer”.

Centering prayer as a spiritual practice or discipline can contribute greatly to our spiritual growth and development, but in ways that may be new and unfamiliar to us as we receive them through entry points other than our minds and our thoughts.

It is my hope and prayer that more of us will adopt centering prayer as a means to further our growth and development in our relationship with Jesus as a supplement to regular scripture study and other word-based forms of prayer. We still need the cognitive forms of spiritual development, but can find centering prayer to be a great complement to them and a refreshing way to “experience” more of God’s presence with us and in us.

An important spiritual concept on which centering prayer is based is that God’s spirit is present with us and in us and that at the very core of our being is God’s presence, nearer to us than our breath. We don’t need to invite God to be present with us so much as to discover God’s presence within us, opening our hearths and minds to the very real reality of God’s indwelling us.

Others have written guides and books, even, on centering prayer. My desire here is to give you a helpful introduction to the practice that is easily accessible to those who would be most comfortable describing themselves as “evangelical”.

The benefits of centering prayer are most often received over time and through regular practice of the discipline than through any one profound spiritual “encounter” or “breakthrough” in a centering prayer time. One helpful recommendation has been to practice centering prayer twice a day, morning and evening, for 20 minutes, though I have found it difficult to maintain this rhythm and have still found benefit in practicing centering prayer once a day (sometimes for only 10 minutes) as often as I am able. However, the more we are able to practice it, obviously, the more we will be able to receive from it.

Getting started:

To get started, find a quiet place where you are most likely to be undisturbed and undistracted for a 20+ minute period; bring a watch or other time keeper, so you don’t have to be mindful of how long you are praying, with as mild an alarm as you can find (you want to exit your centering prayer time gently rather than being jarred from it by a highly intrusive alarm); use a basic chair that allows you to sit upright with your feet flat and comfortably on the floor beneath you, or sit on the floor or on a pillow on the floor against a back support. It is generally helpful to sit so that your back will be straight and you are not slumped over or slouched down.

It is typically helpful to choose a “sacred” word that you will use while praying to help you focus and draw you back into prayer when your mind starts to wander or you find yourself engaged with your thoughts. You may want to ask God to help bring a sacred word to mind. Examples are: God, Jesus, Father, Mother, Abba, Amen, Love, Peace, Mercy, Listen, Let Go, Silence, Stillness, Faith, Trust, Yes. Or, instead of a sacred word, you may find that noticing the rhythm of your breathing may be more helpful.

As you sit and get settled, close your eyes (we close our eyes as a symbol of letting go of what is going on within and around us). Introduce your sacred word inwardly and as gently as laying a feather on a piece of cotton.

“Centering prayer familiarizes us with God’s first language, which is silence”. (Thomas Keating, “The Method of Centering Prayer: The Prayer of Consent”, www.contemplativeoutreach.org) Our desire is to be connected with the indwelling presence of our being but this is not something we accomplish by our thoughts or effort, it comes through letting go of our thoughts and effort and letting God open our hearts and minds to the presence of God at the core of our being.

During this prayer (and even afterwards) we want to avoid analyzing our experience, harboring expectations, or aiming at some specific goal such as:

a. Repeating the sacred word continuously.

b. Having no thoughts.

c. Making the mind a blank.

d. Feeling peaceful or consoled.

e. Achieving a spiritual experience. (Invitation to Solitude and Silence, Ruth Haley Barton, pg. 34)

It is normal to have distracting thoughts, feelings, and perceptions, whether from an internal or external source. These distractions are not bad and should be considered a part of the prayer experience. When you find yourself engaged with your thoughts or a distraction, return ever so gently to your sacred word.

1. Thoughts are inevitable, integral and normal part of Centering Prayer

2. “Thoughts” is an umbrella term for every perception, including sense perceptions, feelings,

     images, memories, plans, reflections, concepts, commentaries, and spiritual experiences.

3. By “returning ever so gently to the sacred word” a minimum of effort is required. This is the only

    activity we initiate during the time of Centering Prayer.

4. During the course of Centering Prayer, the sacred word may become vague or disappear.

     (Creating Christian Community, Richard Rohr, www.cacradicalgrace.org)

It can be helpful to remain in silence and with your eyes closed for another minute or 2 after the centering prayer time ends as we slowly re-engage our inner and outer worlds and bring the atmosphere and experience of silence with us into our everyday life.

There is no right way to practice centering prayer. Don’t get hung up on whether you are doing it right or not. Keep practicing and remember that Centering Prayer is an exercise in “letting go” of our thoughts, again and again. And also remember that “the principle fruits of (centering) prayer are experienced in daily life and not during the prayer period.” (Thomas Keating)

If silence and solitude are new to you, or if you are someone who is used to constant sensory stimulation or mental activity you may find the practice of centering prayer challenging for a while. I encourage you to stick with it as it is such a countercultural practice (often even in evangelical Christian circles), but something that, when developed over time, can be such a source of life-giving connection with God’s presence within us. We so often long to “experience” more of God’s presence and work in our lives and centering prayer offers a very helpful means of opening our minds and hearts so that we may, over time, cultivate our relationship with God and experiencing God’s transforming presence and work in us.

“In solitude (and silence) God begins to free us from our bondage to human expectations, for there we experience God as our ultimate reality- the One in whom we live and move and have our being. In solitude (and silence) our thoughts and our mind, our will and our desires are reoriented Godward so we become less and less attracted by external forces and can be more deeply responsive to God’s desire and prayer in us.” (Ruth Haley Barton)

“The pattern of the universe is that we are one and that it is radically ok. God is on our side. So we can be at rest. We realize that life is a school. And I want to give myself to that school so that my soul can be formed.” (Richard Rohr)