Good Old Conflict

Everyone knows that the 3rd week of a missions trip is conflict week. Everyone has gotten to know each other just enough that the real personalities come out- warts and all. Even though this FUI group has had no major conflict like there usually is at FUI (probably because this group is pretty introverted, so maybe they're just keeping it in) but there have been situations here and there where conversations have had to happen. And I have definitely noticed times when students have "pushed my buttons," and I have had to check myself.
Last Wednesday our Leadership Development track meeting of FUI staff that meets once a week spent the whole 3 and 1/2 hours talking about conflict- Biblical references, styles of conflict, and cultural influences. It was all really enlightening and helpful, but one thing stuck out to me thatI think I can take with me from here on. Carrie, the leader of the track, showed us the Biblical answer to the question: "Who takes the initiative on a conflict?"
-Matt. 18:15-17- the process of addressing conflict. Who takes initiative?: The one who was offended.
-Matt. 5:23-24- Who takes initiative?: The one who has hurt someone else.
-Gal. 6:1- Who takes initiative?: Someone spiritual who sees another believer caught in sin.
*Therefore, the ball is always in your court!

I had never really thought about it that way before. The students are learning a lot through FUI, but I am learning a whole lot also- maybe even more than when I was a student! But both the students and myself get to struggle together over buying groceries and shower time, as well as city questions like what to do with the homeless woman who wants to sleep at the Pink House, but most likely has mental issues. Conflict happens.
InterVarsity is really big on the "Approaching Differences Diagram", (which looks like this http://intervarsityurbanprojects.pbworks.com/w/page/33956894/Approaching-Differences-Diagram-(in-color) and you want to avoid the bottom red arrows, and remain on the top green arrows, which requires checking yourself when you experience dissonance. I'm learning to train myself to do this, but I'm also learning how Jesus is in each experience of conflict or dissonance I experience, and if I watch for it, He always has something for me in it. Every week at our Leadership Development track we take time to think through each student in our process group and ask a few questions, one of them being "Has the student in any way been "pushing your buttons?" What's going on there for you? How is Jesus inviting you to go deeper with Him in this?"

Process group members Colby & Judith in "conflict" over Frank,
the random giant stuffed dog we found in the Pink House 

Yesterday when I was praying and struggling with one student in particular, I caught myself wanting to do my default when there is conflict- stay away from the person. As I prayed and asked Jesus what He had for me in it, I really heard Him say- keep pressing in to the relationships. I need reminders and wake up calls like that as I seek to love students as Jesus did, conflicts and all. I'm also learning that conflicts tend to be a gateway to deeper relationships anyway, so they probably shouldn't be avoided.