Thursday, November 29, 2012


More and more I'm practicing and seeing the necessity of thankfulness- especially in lean times. And since Thanksgiving was just last week, its a pertinent topic. It's not my natural bent- thankfulness- but sometimes lately I've surprised myself by the times my mind just wanders towards thankfulness. That is truly God's grace, people, because (as I mentioned) it is not my natural bent. I'm still working on it though!

Here is what I'm thankful for right now:
-good friends that take time to invest in me
-God's continued mercy in dad's health
-a healthy body
-uplifting music
-the fact that I have life options
-my brothers
-the spiritual leaders and directors God has put in my life
-watching sports and the fact that they are not filled with drama

Thats just what I can think of right now. There's definitely more!

What are you thankful for? Share in the comments of this post!

Self Awareness

"There is no deep knowing of God without a deep knowing of self, and no deep knowing of self without a deep knowing of God."
- John Calvin

Lately (as in the last couple years) I have been learning A LOT about self awareness. Before I thought I was self aware, but now I realize I really had only scratched the surface.
So much of what I have been reading and hearing has been how self awareness precedes God awareness (even from John Calvin, which I wouldn't really anticipate coming from him). I even gave a talk on it at a conference last February, but I'm still on the journey and I definitely have not mastered it.
Here's some of what I've learned:
I'm learning that you can't really love well without self-awareness.
That you can't really have compassion on others without seeing how God sees you.
That suppressing negative emotions or parts of yourself ends up suppressing the good parts of yourself as well. Apparently God wants the real me, not the idealized or "should be" me. And it definitely hurts my human relationships as well.
That self awareness is hard work, but worth it. You also begin to see those around you who are not self aware, and the negative affect it has.
That self awareness is both humbling and empowering.
That I both enjoy being different from others, but am fatigued by too much difference.
That I am both unique but also a part of a variety of collectives- and am growing to very much dislike seeing only through the lens of individualism.
That I am an EXTREMELY high feeler.
That I am full of contradictions, and I am learning to see the world beyond black and white- and live in the gray areas.

There is much more, but thats what comes up first for me. I'm still on the journey!